How do you enhance your problem solving skills?
Resolving challenges can be a crucial task for a business leader and entrepreneur. But without the right strategy, it can be frustrating and unnecessarily time-consuming.
For many in business, recognising a problem, but not having the skills or strategy to solve it is a cause of great irritation.
Problem Solving Skills
During my career, I’ve had to cope with many problems, from minor annoyances to business-critical decisions. I’ve always handled them – I think – rationally, calmly, and without becoming exasperated.
I’ve never really given it much thought until recently. I read an article on the ‘milk carton rule’ by Justin Bariso, for Inc. In it, he explained how emotionally intelligent people close the gap between expectation and reality using psychology principles. The strategy, dubbed the milk carton rule, helps people fix the issue without suffering frustration.
The article struck a chord with me, and I thought it was worth sharing with you.
You can read the full article here, but I outline some of the highlights below.
Hell is Other People
Justin notes that some common problems we face in business and our personal lives are often the result of someone else’s actions impacting upon you negatively. He says that this ranges from customers who never pay on time to family members never changing the toilet paper.
As the author quite rightly recognises, it is a natural response to demand or expect that person to change how they behave. In reality, that won’t happen with most people, or certainly not because of our demands.
The frustration we already feel from the problem is magnified as we focus on the individual we see as to blame. Justin says psychologist call this ‘expectancy-reality-discrepancy’. In broader terms, he adds, it is an irrational belief sometimes called ‘demanding-ness’.
So, how do you deal with the problem of other people and the gulf between what we want and what will happen?
The Milk Carton Rule
The article points out that you solve problems by focusing on what you control. It seems self-evident, but many drive themselves to frustration expecting matters beyond their control to bend to their will.
It explains that the so-called milk carton rule for problem solving skills stems from a psychology textbook example from real life.
In essence, two people live together and, every day, one forgets to put the milk back into the fridge after topping up their coffee. This means that, every day, the other is confronted by warm milk left on a counter.
Day after day, they complain about the milk carton being left out. They get an apology, but it keeps happening. It becomes such a source of frustration that it eventually makes it into therapy sessions.
The therapist demonstrates that after seeing this happen thousands of times over a 10-year period, there should be an expectation that the milk will be left out, even if it shouldn’t be. The anger and shock at the behaviour are motivated by the expectation of what should happen (i.e., the milk going back into the fridge), rather than what happens.
If, the therapist explains, the expectation changed to focusing on what is being done instead of what they want to be done, the frustration would diminish. If we accept the reality of a situation, however much we dislike it, we release our frustration. We find a way of dealing with what is actually happening rather than demanding life to live up to our expectations.
A simple solution is to have two cartons of milk. We know one will be left out in the morning, but the other will stay nicely chilled for when you need it. Problem solved.
Reality and Acceptance
As Justin observes, when we demand that reality be different from what we expect, we create unnecessary frustration for ourselves.
Essentially, as the psychology book the milk carton rule comes from says, when there is a problem we think should not exist, we do not attempt to solve it. We just become frustrated that reality doesn’t match what we want. Accepting reality for what it is allows us to look at the situation from another perspective and find an actual solution.
Accept that reality isn’t always how we want it, and you will see the problem and solution more clearly, breaking the cycle of frustration.
Don’t dwell on what you cannot change. Focus instead on what you can. This brilliantly and succinctly summarises how I think business leaders should approach the challenges they will inevitably encounter. Don’t get lost in anger because something you can never change isn’t how you want it. Concentrate on elements you can influence, which will resolve the resulting problem of the behaviour.
Problem Solving Skills at Work
The article does concede that the milk carton rule can only really be applied in the workplace within defined power dynamics. As Justin puts it, these problem solving skills only work when you are dealing with someone whose power is equal to your own or greater.
To underline the value of the milk carton lesson, the author applies it to a common business problem – the client who never pays on time. Yes, you can get frustrated and angry each time, but what does that achieve?
It certainly doesn’t get you paid. It almost certainly damages your wellbeing and distracts you from important tasks.
Instead, think about the milk carton rule and the problem solving skills it involves. Concentrate on the areas in this dynamic over which you do have power. How important is the client? Do they pay you more than others? Then, you reframe what your expectations are. If you expect to be paid in 30 days and they are always 15 days late, don’t get frustrated. Just change expectations.
Assume, based on experience, that you expect to be paid in 60 days by this client. In that reality, you will actually be paid early, removing the frustration element. This allows you to manage your cash flow and budget more realistically.
Don’t stick rigidly to the expectation that you will be paid within 30 days, which is proven to be unrealistic, and continue managing your budget in the vain hope that this will happen. Manage your budget based on the realistic expectation that it will be up to 60 days until you see the money. The problem of a cash shortfall is managed by changing from expecting reality to shift to focusing on what you can control.
Conclusion
This fascinating article on problem solving skills concludes with the fact that we, in business, have a choice. Continue to let others frustrate you, and live with the negative emotions, or take that frustration and use it as a catalyst for action. Use it as the foundation of a new approach to solving the problem.
Of course, as Justin says, there will be problems that you cannot resolve. When you encounter them, you must accept that they are the reality. Being angry and frustrated won’t help and will only be negative and counter-productive for you.
Accept the situation and expend your energy working on problems you may be able to resolve and improve your work, life, and wellbeing.
After reading the article, I understood that I have subconsciously always done this. Instead of giving in to being frustrated by other people’s selfish or thoughtless behaviour, I take a step back. I review the situation, accept that the behaviour won’t change, and look at what elements I control which will solve the problem.
All this time, I’ve been following the milk carton rule! Thanks to Justin for the insight. I heartily recommend that you take a few minutes to read the article.
